You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
