how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
