I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
