I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
