there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
