so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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