we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
