Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
