Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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