M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
this hospital has no fireball
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
