I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
