Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
