For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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