i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
