I hate your face
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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