And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
