Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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