i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
