so explain again why im purple
no
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
