disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
