I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
