I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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