So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
