Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
