Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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