So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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