if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
