Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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