Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
