He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
