the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
