they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
