Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
