i was born a porn star she said
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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