Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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