OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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