you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
