Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
