just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
