Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
