when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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