I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Less talking, more tequila
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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