I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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