I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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