I skipped work to stalk him.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
