I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
