you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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