A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
