i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
