the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
