I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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