I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
