we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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