You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
