I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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