Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
