I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
