I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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