oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
