HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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