I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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