CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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