im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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