i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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