I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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