the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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