All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
